Arashi Satou (Ready)

[Gadget]

Part One:
Offline

=====

+ Name: Arashi Satou
+ Age: 14
+ Face claim Picture:

Human Appearence:

+ History: (Word Count at 398)
Arashi is your go to guy for tech support. Raised with the technological smarts of his father, a computer programmer, and the love of his mother, a teacher, Arashi was blessed with a strong mind and the heart of one who serves. He was given a neurolinker at birth for the simple reason that he needed to be exposed to technology so that when he got older he would have that edge needed to be able to survive in a world that was filled with technology. He was taught that the more you knew about what you used the better you got at using it and throughout his youth Arashi was known to absorb knowledge like a sponge quickly advancing through his classes with high ranks while building little programs and gadgets for personal use.
Towards the end of his first year and the start of his second year in middle school, Arashi started offering tech support services to his fellow schoolmates and even showing a few programs and gadgets that could help them out. However he would start receiving threats via e-mail from jocks who seem to be upset that Arashi was ‘hooking up’ with various girls but Arashi ignored their threats for the most part and continued to help out people that wanted his help. Threats would turn into violence as the jocks beat up Arashi in his lab and destroyed his lab breaking a lot of equipment racking up a bill of about 150000 Yen (about $1500.00)
When the school found out about this incident and who had done it as it had been recorded by secret cameras in the lab and uploaded to the network. The Jocks were expelled and were forced to pay for the damages and had to face the law for assault and harassment. Arashi in the meantime just did what he could to repair the damage snickering to himself when the Jocks got busted. His problem solved by indirect action and a little preplanning and follow up
At the beginning of his third year, he received the Brain Burst program installed it had to wait until it finished installing overnight then had a nightmare about jocks destroying everything he cared about and breaking him apart like a robot and Arashi just wishing to give his gadgets life to take revenge on his enemies.

+ Personality:  Arashi is friendly and willing to help people out. He always has a smile that hides a mind that thinks and plans logically. He thinks about situations and tries to come up with solutions to problems. He rarely is the aggressor when it comes to fights and focuses on preventive defenses and/or a way to get revenge indirectly.
+ Accessories:
None

Part Two:
Online

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+ Name: Lightning Gadget
+ Height: 158 cm (about 5' 3'')
+ Parent: Unknown
+ Appearance Claim:

Lightning Gadget:

http://www.colorcombos.com/images/colors/FDBF13.png
+ Appearance Description: A human sized Robot/Android with many different seemingly metallic ‘pieces’ that seem to be connected together allowing normal human like movement. There are also integrated electrical channels within each that seem to link up to a central core area.  
Weight Class: Lightweight

Part Three:
Details

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+ Stats

Color Orange (1 defense, 3 Potency)
Strength: 3 (+3)
Defense: 2 (Color + 1)
Potency: 5 (Color + 2)


+ Abilities & Armaments

++ Name: Gadget Machine
++ Picture: something like this but add Gadget’s colors to it
http://media.askbuild.com/legacy/n9_robot_toolbox.jpg

++ Description: A portable toolbox looking machine that upon use of Gadget Builder, creates weapons and other equipment for Lightning Gadget to use. The item that is built depends on the blueprints uploaded into the machine being shuffled at random every time the machine is used (aka a dice roll). Gadget gets one free gadget at the start of the battle but every use after that requires special gauge. It has 10 HP and can be destroyed in battle,
++ Weaknesses:
Only one Gadget Machine can be created at a time. Has an HP of 10, If destroyed requires 3 rounds before it can be rebuilt. Potential Items are rolled at random with no rerolls. Has a cooldown period of one turn before it can activate again. Each tool produced has an HP of 2. Gadget does not gain gauge from damage taken by the machine.
++ Additional Notes
Current Blueprints:

Hand - Creates an autonomous hand like gadget that moves on it's digits like a spider. It can launch a taser dart up to five meters from it’s wrist and shock an opponent with electricity. If the hand is able to grab an opponent, it can unleash an electrical surge. It can be destroyed like any other object
Combat Dice: 4
Defense: 2
Attacks
Taser Dart:  1 damage dice
Shocking Grip:  2 damage dice


Turret - Creates an auto rotating turret that can lock on and shoot at opponents up to 3 meters away with 30 rounds fired at one round per second. It cannot move from where it is set and explodes when it is out of ammo
Combat Dice: 4
Defense: 1
Attack:
Five second Volley (5 ammo): 2 damage dice


Rod – Creates a half meter long rod that is used for melee combat (can be stolen and wielded by others)
Combat Dice: 4 (must be wielded)
Defense: 1
Attack: Whack!
Damage: Calculate as Normal for Melee Users, Untrained for Gadget and Range Users,

Blaster – creates a blaster that can shoot off energy bolts. It only has ten shots before it becomes junk (can be stolen and used by others)
Combat Dice: 4 (must be wielded)
Defense: 1
Attack: Bang!
Damage: Calculate as Normal for Range users, Untrained for Gadget and Melee users

Shield – Creates a wearable shield generator that activates a two-point barrier. Only one can be worn at a time (can be stolen and used by others)

Bomb – an explosive that can be either thrown, rolled or set then can be detonated by remote (can be stolen but Gadget has the remote to blow it up)
Combat Dice: 5
Defense: 2
Attack: Boom!
Close Range/Holding: 3 damage dice
Nearby: 1 damage dice
Far Away: No damage


+ Normal Move

++ Name: Gadget Build/Gadget Repair
++ Type: Active
++ Cost: 15% (1 round cooldown)
++ Description: Triggers the use of the Gadget Machine or reactivates the Gadget machine upon a shutdown.
++Weakness  A cooldown period of one turn before it can activate again. If the machine is destroyed requires Gadget Repair to be recreated.

+ Killer Move

++ Name: Ultimate Creation
++ Cost: 60%
++ Description:  Has the Gadget Machine go into overdrive and build the Ultimate Creation. A one-meter-tall four-legged spider turret that can move around and shoots opponents with up to 5 meter radius with a tracking turret. It looks similar to this piece of hardware
http://www.bulldozer-vfx.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/robot_spider_1_1.jpg
The Ultimate Gadget has 5HP
++ Weakness:
After producing this creation, the Gadget Machine shutdowns and cannot be reactivated until the creation is destroyed but remains able to be damaged and if destroyed will require three turns after the creation is destroyed before the repair command restores it. The creation itself can be ran from, hidden, and otherwise avoided.

Combat Dice: 4
Defense: 3
Attack:
Ultimate Volley: 4 damage dice

[Miale]

I like the concept so far, although I have a few things I would need clarification on.
- Your gadgets, how many HP do they need to take before going down? Also, I don't think that unbreakable should be a property of your ability for now, but giving a HP cap for how much overkill your gadgets can take seems like a better solution to me. As for their attacks, I would like to know how do they work exactly, do they attack independently of you, can they assist you? if yes, then I believe you should tone down their damage dice, after all, it would basically double your damage potential!

Also, since you have two possible weapon, I don't think you should get the proficiency bonus on those right away, but we should see with everyone and make some test to see how your avatars comes out in combat.

My last thing I have to say, your Killer move seems quite powerful, even for a 100% cost move. From what I remember in the anime and the game on psp, (yes I use it as reference for now) Killer moves are powerful but even Taku signature level 4 move costs him around 60% of his gauge and well, it's not a game breaker. I like the idea, but I also think it should be toned down.

But overall, looks clean and nice to me. you are on the way to be the first approved chara of this new system!

[Destination]

I lost what I was writing, so here it is again in tl;dr form.

Essential points:
-Small windows of weakness in Gadget Machine
-Unclear weaknesses in both Machine and Ultimate


Minor points:
-Flat history
-Missing weight class
-Missing Weaknesses entries
-Armament Description over word limit
-Redundant description
-Gadgets gadgets gadgets


Small windows of weakness:
What I mean by this, is that the Gadget Machine is only gated by the amount of special gauge Gadget has; as long as he has more than 15% when it is disabled, he can immediately restore it with Gadget Repair. This removes any reward an opponent expects for the risk he takes in disabling the Gadget Machine rather than attacking Gadget directly. I suggest that a cooldown, scaling down with level, be added to Gadget Build/Repair; it is not a weakness if his skills are only limited by how much Gauge he can have. Similarly, you state that the Gadget Machine cannot be damaged any further, and it can be restored (with Repair). I can't really say this is wrong, but the notion that a player's equipment is invincible under certain conditions is a little baffling.

Unclear weaknesses:
You tell us that if the Ultimate Gadget is destroyed, "it's a loss for Lightning Gadget." Unless I severely misread something the Gadget Machine is a pet of Lightning Gadget and damaging it doesn't damage Gadget itself. Rather than telling us "it's a loss," I'd like to leave the roleplaying to your opponent and instead spend time instead specifying something else, such as "The Gadget Machine is unusable for ten minutes if it is destroyed in its Ultimate form."

Flat History:
Well, it is identical to your previous applications, so the same question arises: while I get that Arashi can do these things, I don't feel why he does it, only that he's doing what he's told to do: learn about technology, succeed and make it big as the IT guy. Okay, Steve Jobs, keep writing and carry on.

Weight Class:
This should go under Part Two..

Missing Weakness entries:
For both your moves. A reminder that both Move Description and Weakness are limited to 100 words.

Redundant description:
The Neuro Linker: if everyone has one, then it's not special. What's special is the tool kit he carries. (But I'm a little curious as to how he got to restore a tech lab at his school as a regular student; another instance of telling us plainly about Arashi.)

The avatar: canon never specified what the duel avatars that aren't metal are made out of, so we don't need to assume that they're all actually metal robots, or describe the intricate ways they can be bent under force. And just as corrosion is effective against you, so it is against every other character. Except Chrome Falcon. He's specifically immune to it.

Semantic Satiation:
You can ignore this, honestly, and it won't affect your character or your application in any way. But when I see the word "Gadget" appearing so often, it begins to lose the meaning and everything Gadget constructs begins to sound like one another.

[Gadget]

Big Concern:
Gadget Machine
The reason I said the Gadget Machine itself can’t be destroyed is because I know in Accel World if an EA is destroyed like Ash Rollers Bike then it’s gone for good for that battle or until they log out of the unlimited neutral field even if they are killed. (I have read up to vol 8 (minus 6) in the light novels) If Gadget’s machine is destroyed/shattered, He can’t do anything (can’t build gadgets, can’t unleash his ultimate gadget,) and in gaming terms it’s basically a loss for him and in my book that shouldn’t exist at all in a game and creates a huge weakness that cannot be covered. That’s why I put the idea forth that the damage dealt to it is transmitted to Gadget to a certain point then disabled needing a repair command to restore it allowing it to be damaged again.
However, if the unbreakable property isn’t something he can’t gain unless he invests a few level ups into it then fine I can remove the unbreakable property. In exchange I’ll treat the machine as a pet in itself, give it a decent amount of HP like say 10 points and that when it is damaged no gauge is gained by Gadget and when it destroyed it’s gone for three round until a command of Gadget Repair can restore it.
With that threat, Lightning Gadget might be a little more cautious and most likely won’t leave his machine laying around


Miale Concerns

HP of individual Gadgets:
I’m thinking 2 hit point for each built gadget and 5 points for the ultimate machine that way you have to roll at least two high numbers to beat the smaller ones instantly while it may take a bit to beat the ultimate machine and the overkill will not affect Lightning Gadget nor will he gain any gauge from their destruction. They are after all pets/drones.
The Gadget machine itself has 10 hit points as mentioned above.

No proficiency bonus:
I wasn’t really expecting proficiency at all really… heck I could even take a negative because Gadget most likely doesn’t know how to wield a weapon or fight directly on the real side but if you want to run tests let me know and I’ll help out

Overpowered Killer Move:
Yeah, maybe I did go a little overboard with its capabilities and maybe I can remove the taser dart and reduce the ports to one so that it’s just a large mobile turret at level 1. I’m open to other suggestions on what it can do at level one and investing other level ups into it makes it stronger



Now for Tusjecht’s issues
Small Window of Weakness/ Cooldown of Machine
I believe you do not understand that if Gadget has to use gauge to repair the machine, then he can’t produce a gadget from it on that move, (Aka it’s an auto cooldown of one turn) but since I see where you’re going with this, here’s what I’m gonna do. I’m going to add a cooldown of one turn that can be reduced and removed after one level up and the number of gadgets he can produce in one go increases every further level up invested into the machine that way at level 1 Lightning Gadget won’t be able to spam Gadget Building when he collected a lot of special gauge.
Anyways I’ve edited things so retake a look

Ultimate Gadget? EA or Pet
I’ve addressed this in the big concern and have also edited things

Flat History/ I don’t know why Arashi does what he does.
Okay Tusjecht, this is where I start to get annoyed with you. First you limit the history to 400 words forcing me to reduce my original story that explains everything about my character and then you say you don’t get why my character does that even with the big story and tell me to keep writing. If you would have actually read the story. You would have locked onto this statement
Arashi was blessed with a strong mind and the heart of one who serves.
That there along with his personality should tell you why Arashi does what he does. He does it to help others because helping others makes him feel good but he hates it when people disrespect his skills and he finds a way to get revenge against them

Weight Class:
He’s most likely a lightweight but I’ll add it to his description

Missing Weakness entries and too big description:
Weaknesses shall be added and I’ve moved the blueprints to their own section called additional notes. These notes are needed to explain each gadget that can be produced and if certain other things are noted.

Redundant description/Special Items:
Cleaned up description and deleted all ‘special’ items as there’s no point in writing about them.

Semantic Satiation:
I’ve mixed up a few words here and there, Removed Gadget from each item

[Miale]

Just pointing out before re-reading that the word limit isn't there to kill the stories but rather to avoid useless details, if you want to make a thread or add another post with the full story I'm perfectly fine with it.

The goal with the word limit on the stories is to have the most important details to help people see the link between the Avatar and the Player, it's a bit of a hassle for us to review a character sheet if we need to read through a novel with it. Like I said previously, if you want to give us a more detailed and not restrained version, It's all nice but please do it in another post in the sheet or in a solo RP. It's really a reason of getting the important parts there to allow faster and more accurate reviews.

[Miale]

I'd need attack values for your gadgets. You have the damage thing alright but I need to see how well those independent machines are capable of attacking on their own .

[Gadget]

Let's start with 4 on the independent (Hand, Turret, Ultimate), and 5 for the ones that need a wielder (Rod, Blaster, Bomb)

[Miale]

Actually as I had stated previously in my post, since you have multiple weapons available, I cannot allow you to have proficiency with them, meaning your attacks with them will be at 4 as well. You can select one of them though to have proficiency in it as your starter weapon.

Other than that, Everything is good to me.

[Gadget]

I select to have proficiency with the bomb.

[Neko Miale]

Alright, Approved.
Sorry for the immense delay

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